Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
