TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
