i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
