I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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