I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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