she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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