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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  u downloaded tardy 4 the party

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record

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• (727): View more from Florida

  It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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• (716): View more from New York

  It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  tell me about the eggs

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