you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
