brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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