fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am one with the molecules
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
