she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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