just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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