Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
