my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
