"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
