If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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