Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
