I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
