we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize