So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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