i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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