Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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