i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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