I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
