So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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