Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
