So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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