Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
