I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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