i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
