Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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