What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
