I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
