so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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