You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
