Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
