I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have aggressive nipples.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
