i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
