I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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