how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
