You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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