hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
