idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
