I'm going to jail i love you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize