White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
