apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
