so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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