Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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