I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
