Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize