Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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