she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
