Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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