I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
