I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize