I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
