"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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