Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
