ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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