I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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