Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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