my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
