I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
