I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
