You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
