discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
