I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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