She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
