Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
