When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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