apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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