We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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