they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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