There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
