Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
