Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
