woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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