What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
