I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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