oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
