i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
