if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
