I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
