her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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