it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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