just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
