oh god the rape fog is back!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
