Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Mom said you looked used
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
