If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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