My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
