I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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