I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize