stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
