hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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