Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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