I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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