just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
