after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize