My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cannot find my penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
