I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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